25 Jul 2020 - Creativity is Fickle

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25 Jul 2020 - Creativity is Fickle

Between working on the website, a rekindling in interest in drawing, and generally wanting to write, I feel I have been having a bit of a resurgence in wanting to be creative. Not to mention the piano stuff. It's weird because for a couple months I didn't really want to do anything but play videogames and cry and talk to people. I mean I still want to do all that stuff, but to a far less degree. I no longer have "absolutely nothing going on in my day" if I don't get to talk to someone or people, which is a nice feeling. I like the feeling of being able to enjoy myself without having to want to play a video game or having to have someone else avaliable to spend time with. Really, getting back into being creative has been helpful with keeping me sane, seeing how long the quarrantine has been going on for. I have gone outside of my house (not including driving) TWICE since quarrantine started in March, and one of those times was to pick up Greek takeout for dinner. The other time was because I had a mental breakdown from not going outside enough. Point is, creative ventures are helping me stay sane.

That's not to say the months I did little to nothing were a waste, depsite how it may sound on the surface. A lot of it was dealing with school and utterly failing to keep up (I had to take "no credit" for all but one of my classes to avoid killing my GPA), but a lot of it was also trying to get a grasp on my mental health which had been slowly spiraling down the drain since December or January. I mean, the mental health stuff became a full-on disaster from Mid-April to the end of May/beginning of June, but these issues didn't have much to due with quarrantine, though the move to the internet worsened things.

Overall I am happy about the progression of things though! I had been demovitvated from truly giving my all to drawing for a couple years now after a massive blow to my ego in June 2018 involving YouTube and a (deleted) speed-art I posted. But for the first time in a long time I feel inspiration! And not just inspiration to make a specific piece, or to work on a specific drawing project, but just the artistic form of illustration and cartooning as a whole! And I have to credit a lot of that to the work of one @ms_pigtails on Twitter (NSFW warning), ie the creator of that infamous "femboy hooters" drawing. Genuinely, they are one of the most entertaining people on Twitter for me, and the ONLY NSFW twitter I follow. Yes I enjoy them for the horny but also for so much more than that. Their work, their love for their craft, their perception of gender expression, it all resonates with me so deeply.

Last updated 14 August 2020